If We Fly: A What If Novel Read online

  Braking, I navigate the car over the bridge, then accelerate slightly as we pull away from it. Water pours from the road down the slope leading to the rocky ocean shore.

  I need to brake on this turn…Dad always reminds me it’s a sharp one, and you never know if—

  Oh my God. Brake! I can’t see. What just…oh, shit, the wheel…we’re in a spin…the tires…Cole’s hand, his voice…is that a scream? What the hell is…oh no….no…NO!

  Dark.

  I slam on the brakes. My blood is ice, my breath shallow. I rest my head on the steering wheel and drag air into my tight lungs.

  “Josie.” Vanessa’s strained plea prickles my skin.

  I squeeze my eyes shut. Shame chokes my throat.

  Goddammit. Stop being a coward, Josie. Drive the damned car!

  I grip the wheel again, determination steeling my spine. My fear will not win.

  “It’s okay, sorry.” I press the accelerator, guiding the car forward. “Just thought I saw something in the road.”

  I keep driving. Foot on the brake. Hands controlling the wheel. Brake. Turn. Steady. I can do this. I am doing this.

  A strange calm settles over me. The dark isn’t scary. Not anymore. What’s fucking scary is living in the dark when you know there’s so much light out there. When you won’t let yourself open the doors to find it.

  “Remember Dad’s songs?” I flex my fingers on the wheel. “He used to make us sing the whole way up the mountain. ‘Oh My Darling Clementine’ was his favorite.”

  “God.” Vanessa chokes out a laugh. “The most morbid folksong in history. The girl with gigantic feet gets a splinter and dies. Lovely.”

  I chuckle. “Teddy’s favorite was ‘Big Rock Candy Mountain.’ Lemonade springs where the bluebird sings. He thought the—”

  The car jolts, tires skidding. My heart stutters. What the…

  “What was that?” Panic threads Vanessa’s voice.

  A popping noise comes from the engine. Clutching the wheel, I press the brake slowly. God in heaven, please don’t let the brakes fail.

  The pedal catches under the pressure of my foot, slowing the car. My pulse thunders in my head. The engine rattles and churns. I manage to get the car to the side of the road and pull to a stop.

  “What’s happening?” Vanessa asks.

  “I’m not sure. Hold on.” I shove the gearshift into drive and try the accelerator.

  The car lurches forward and stalls. No. Please, no.

  I turn off the ignition and restart the car. After a rumbling turnover, the engine sputters and dies.

  No fucking way.

  Hitting the hazard lights, I check the gas gauge. Three-quarters of a tank. I pump the accelerator a few times, press the brake, and turn the key. The engine cranks again and dies.

  My heart plummets. I grab my cell and swipe the screen. Plenty of battery, but no signal.

  Wait a second. There’s a narrow road just off Spiral Pass leading to an old stone tower. Vanessa once told me it’s one of the few spots on the mountain that has a clear cell signal.

  If I can make it there, I can call 911. I have no idea how long it will take for an emergency vehicle to reach us, but at least someone will know we’re in trouble.

  Where is the tower? Have I passed it or is it just around the next turn?

  “Josie, what’s going on?”

  “Just a stall.” I turn to look at my sister, trying to keep my expression calm. “I’m going to try and get a cell signal. Don’t get out of the car. I’ll be right back.”

  Before she can ask another question, I tuck my phone underneath my raincoat, grab the flashlight, and get out of the car. I’ll go a short distance and see if I can find the path.

  Shining the light ahead of me, I hurry along the side of the road. Rain pours down. My shoes slip on wet gravel and leaves. I try not to think about the steep drop to my right.

  The path to the tower is just ahead…maybe one more turn…

  Two headlights burn through the wet darkness ahead of me. A car ascending the mountain.

  Relieved panic tightens my chest. What if they don’t see us? What if they don’t stop?

  I pivot and rush back to the car, waving my flashlight and trying to keep my red raincoat in the beam in the hopes of catching the driver’s attention. I’m halfway back when the car crosses the line and pulls over, tires skidding on the gravel.

  “Josie!” A familiar deep voice cuts through the darkness like a stream of gold.

  Cole. Holy shit.

  Every part of me collapses and opens at the same time. Relief surges like a blue sea-wave underneath my heart.

  Spinning on my heel, I run toward him. He catches me, closing his strong hands around my arms. In the beam of the flashlight, his expression is shadowed with concern and fear.

  “It’s Vanessa.” Grabbing his hand, I haul him toward the Dodge. “She’s…the baby’s in trouble. The car broke down. I was trying to get to the stone tower to see if I could get a cell signal.”

  “It’s a good three miles back.” He runs toward the car and yanks open the door.

  I open the other door, shining the flashlight on my sister. She’s even paler than before, her breathing shallow, both hands gripping her belly. A dark stain spreads between her legs over her gray sweatpants. Fear lances through me, sharp and heavy.

  “Vanessa.” Cole puts his hand on the side of her head, forcing her to look at him. “I’m going to bring my car closer, then we’ll help you get into the backseat, okay? Josie, stay with her.”

  He dashes back into the rain. I grip Vanessa’s hand. Our eyes meet. Hers are black with panic.

  “I can’t lose this baby,” she whispers.

  “You won’t.” I tighten my grip on her hand. “I swear, Vanessa. You won’t.”

  Conviction steels my spine. Cole pulls his car up beside ours, and we get Vanessa transferred into the backseat. Grabbing my backpack, I climb into the passenger seat. Cole eases back onto the road, his profile rigid.

  “Keep your cell out,” he orders. “When you get a signal, call the Fernsdown hospital and tell them we’re on the way. It’s the closest from here.”

  “What…why were you coming up Spiral Pass?” My teeth start to chatter.

  “I went to the cottage to see if you were okay.” He tightens his grip on the wheel, his knuckles burning white. “Some of your stuff was gone, and you weren’t at the house either. This was the only other place I could think of where you would have gone. I wasn’t going to bother you, I was trying not to, but when it got dark and rainy, I—”

  His voice breaks off abruptly.

  The opening sensation beneath my fear expands a little more. He’d been worried I wouldn’t have enough lights, that I’d get scared and panic like I did that first night at the cottage. He needed to make sure I was safe.

  Just like he always has before.

  The sports car hugs the curves and makes turns in the road with ease. Spiral Pass widens as we reach the base of the mountain. When the road intersects with Highway 19 running from Castille to Fernsdown, the blurry headlights of other cars appear through the darkness.

  “I’ve got a signal.” I swipe the screen of my phone and bring up the hospital number.

  “Tell them we’ll be there in five minutes.”

  After a few more turns, the lights of the hospital appear. Relief floods me. Cole pulls up in front of the emergency room entrance, and I scramble out to find help.

  By the time two medics arrive with a wheeled stretcher, Cole is already helping Vanessa out of the backseat. She’s still pale, her forehead dotted with sweat and her eyes glazed. The medics point me to the desk where I need to fill out the paperwork before they sweep Vanessa through to the emergency room.

  My breath scorches my lungs, and my heart is racing. Rain puddles at my feet. A prickling sensation skates down my spine.

  I turn. Cole is standing behind me, his raincoat open, his hair drenched, and his unerring gaze fixed on me.
r />   “Go with her.” He puts his hand on my lower back, urging me toward the double doors. “They’ll give you a change of clothes too. I’ll deal with the car and the paperwork.”

  There are a hundred things I want to say to him, but I can’t shape any of them into a coherent sentence. Instead I grab him around the waist and squeeze, my heart hammering and gratitude choking my throat.

  He closes his arms around me. I bury my face in his damp shirtfront. His heart beats heavily, thumping into my blood.

  “I love you.” He presses his lips to the top of my head. “I never stopped loving you, Josie Bird. You are my hero.”

  Tears sting my eyes. There are still so many unanswered questions, uncertainties, things we don’t know.

  But isn’t that all…life?

  Cole eases away from me and takes a wad of tissues from his raincoat pocket.

  I manage to smile. “Do they have lotion?”

  “What do you think?” He runs his hand over my hair and nods toward the emergency room doors.

  Wiping my eyes, I turn and rush after my sister.

  Chapter 13

  Cole

  * * *

  I run past the Water’s Edge pier, over the path through the park, and down to the harbor. Blood pumps through my veins. My muscles ache from strain, but it’s a good feeling. Breathing fast, lungs working, heart pounding. Being alive.

  The rising sun throws a reddish-gold glow on the water. Fishermen and workers crowd the docks, getting their gear and boats ready for the day. I slow to a walk and catch my breath.

  At the other end of the cove is the boathouse where I rented a room in college. How many times did I wake before dawn, pulling on bib pants and boots before heading out for hours on a lobster boat? Hauling traps in the blazing sun. Washing down the deck. Counting the catch.

  “You just going to stand there or get to work?” A grizzled old salt peers at me from beside a pile of traps.

  “Can’t work any better than you, Pete.”

  With a grunt, he lifts a trap from the stack. “Yeah, well, you get sick of bartending, you come back and do some real work.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Pussies think. Men do.”

  Grinning, I start back across the docks. After a run to the end of the pier, I head downtown. Josie has texted me several times since yesterday, assuring me that everything has gone well with Vanessa. Her son was born shortly after we got to the hospital, and though preterm, he’s healthy and doing well. Since I don’t know if Vanessa will want me to visit, I’ve kept my distance.

  I reach Lantern Square and cross the street. Nathan Peterson is approaching a coffee-house from his parked police car. We both stop.

  “Danforth.” He takes off his sunglasses. His forehead creases. “I heard what happened. Glad everyone is okay.”

  “So am I.”

  “I also…” He twists his mouth and glances past me. “That night…I didn’t do the job I should have. I owe you an apology.”

  “You don’t owe me anything. You…” I clear my throat. “You stayed with Josie. Thank you.”

  He shrugs and meets my gaze. I get why he never told his father about his suspicions. I know a lot about difficult fathers.

  “Have a good day,” he finally says.

  “Yeah. You too.”

  I walk to the Snapdragon Inn, intending to shower and change in my office bathroom before driving out to Spring Hills. Someone cleared Josie’s paint and supplies away from the garden wall, but the mural itself remains untouched. The pier, carnival, and a good portion of the ocean are still obliterated by splatters of red paint.

  My chest tightens. I open the lobby door and stop. Allegra King is standing by the security desk, tapping one foot impatiently. The guard gives me an apologetic shrug.

  “Cole.” Allegra nods sharply. “I’d like to speak with you, please.”

  Though I’m in no mood for a confrontation, I’ve never backed down from Allegra’s ire. Gesturing for her to precede me on the stairs, we walk to my office.

  “This must be a big deal, if you’ve come all the way over here.” I toss my keys on the desk and cross my arms.

  “It is.” She steps toward me, hands on her hips and a hard glint in her eyes. “It’s been brought to my attention that you’ve been lying to us.”

  I clench my jaw. “Has it?”

  “Yes. You’ve been lying for quite some time to the entire town.”

  “That shouldn’t surprise anyone.”

  “Actually, it does.” She lifts her eyebrows. “It shocks the hell out of me, to be frank.”

  “Why?” I flex my hands against my biceps. “Because you should have figured it out sooner?”

  “Maybe.” She purses her lips, studying me. “Though you’ve never been an easy one to figure out, you’ve also never given me much reason to like you. Not that I do now,” she adds hastily.

  A reluctant smile tugs at my mouth. “I’d never expect such an honor.”

  “It does take effort to rise in my personal esteem,” she says. “But I will admit that you might have moved up a notch given what has just come to light.”

  I’m not sure what to make of that remark. “I will never feel the need to explain this to anyone, but I lied for one reason only. Josie Mays. If anyone has a problem with that, they take it up with me. Not her.”

  Faint amusement creases her eyes at my echo of her statement to me back when Josie first arrived in Castille.

  “That’s not what I’m talking about,” she says. “Though I do find what you did quite…fearless. Most people seem to agree with me, even if lying to the police and giving a false statement are against the law.”

  My shoulders tense. “I didn’t do it to be fearless or break the law. She was my only reason.”

  “I know. And I’ve already discussed this with the chief of police, who has no intention of reopening the case or filing any charges.” She narrows her eyes and taps her fingers against her hips. “However, I’ve discovered that this isn’t the only secret you’ve been keeping.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “When were you planning to tell me about the toxin you found in half a dozen springs that supply drinking water from Castille to Fernsdown?” Allegra asks. “Something called perchlorate?”

  Averting my gaze, I scratch the back of my neck. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Odd since it’s part of a story I just read about you on a website called Drink Me. The reporter claims that you’ve hired scientists and a contaminant removal team to purify the springs and that you’ve started testing more water sources in the area. At considerable personal expense.”

  My insides twist. The reporter Billy Grant didn’t get that information out of nowhere.

  “I’m building a distillery out by Spring Hills and scouting another location.” I meet her gaze again. “I won’t build near a tainted water source, so it makes business sense to purify the springs. I’m not a hero, Allegra.”

  “I know.” She brushes a hand over her perfectly styled hair. “Lucky for you, I don’t particularly care for heroes. They can be a bit self-righteous, don’t you think?”

  A sudden laugh rumbles out of me. This is the weirdest conversation she and I have ever had.

  “I might have misjudged you, Mr. Danforth.” Allegra picks up her purse and strides to the door. “I’m not convinced yet, but it’s an idea I’m considering. However, that doesn’t mean I like you.”

  “Too bad. Because I think I’m starting to like you.”

  Her lips twitch, falling short of an actual smile. She throws me a pointed look and leaves the room.

  I turn on my computer and bring up the Drink Me website. Billy Grant’s interview with me is on the first page, peppered with photos of the Invicta distilleries and products. Toward the end of the interview are the details about our work with contaminant removal and research teams to purify the area water.

  After grabbing my phone, I hit a numb
er from my contacts list. My uncle Gerald answers.

  “What did you tell that reporter?” I snap.

  “The facts. You should finally be familiar with them.”

  “You’re fired.”

  “Nope.” He chuckles. “You’re no Boy Scout, Cole. But believe it or not, sometimes you make business decisions that actually help other people. Maybe it’s an unintended consequence. Maybe not. But I guarantee you’ll sleep better at night when you admit that’s the truth.”

  Ending the call, I look out the window at the mural. Despite the splatter of red, the panorama of the town’s history gleams bright and vibrant in the afternoon sunlight.

  I retrieve my keys and head downstairs to my car. After stopping at a supply store, I return to the mural. All of the secrets Josie included are tucked away like little treasures—the figures of her parents and Teddy, the two of us on the Ocean Carousel, the man standing on Eagle Cliff.

  I open a few tubes of paint, take out a brush, and add my own secret to the wall.

  Chapter 14

  Josie

  * * *

  The day after our frantic drive down the mountain, I wake with a strange feeling. It’s like something weighing me down has lifted, allowing oxygen to circulate through my blood.

  Bright light streams through the cottage window. The sun is high, almost as if it’s—

  Rolling over, I peer at the clock. Ten a.m. I’ve been asleep for seven hours. I didn’t have a single dream that I can recall. I certainly didn’t have any nightmares. It was a good sleep, heavy and unbroken, the kind that repairs and restores.

  About time, Mr. Sandman.

  I hurry to dress so I can get to the hospital to visit Vanessa. When I arrive, she’s sitting up in bed with her newborn son in her arms. Though the birth wasn’t easy and the baby will be spending the next few days in the NICU, all of his vital stats and tests are well within proper range.

  “Did you decide on a name?” I gather the baby in my arms, unable to take my eyes off his scrunched-up face.